Assuming you have a partner with whom you get on wonderfully and cultivate lustful sexuality. Because it’s not so easy to reconcile sexuality with the values of a partnership. What factors contribute to whether or not people get along?
Bad sex equals bad relationship
Anyone who talks about relationships must also talk about sexuality. It is important to understand that sexual attraction and masturbation in humans are fixed triggers that rarely change and are even harder to change from the outside. Unfortunately, this does not mean that the relationship and partnership with a person will reach the same heights if they work well in bed. To be honest, sexual and relationship development are almost independent of each other. But for some personality types there are dependencies. Some types need a secure, intimate relationship experience in order to open up physically and experience sex in a satisfying way. For others, the opposite seems to be true, the more non-committal, the hotter the sex. For a couple’s relationship, sexual adventures are quite exhausting because the head is stuck.
Correspondence equals getting on well with each other
When you say that you are well matched with another person, you mean things like being able to talk well with each other, having lots of fun together and that you like to do things together. You get on well with each other, but what exactly is the reason? Conditions for a couple to stay together for a long time. This does not mean that it is absolutely necessary, but it is useful, for example, when :
– two people can feel each other well
– both are equally attractive
– the hereditary substance is at most different
– communication is appreciated
Because there are still some internal psychic programs that trust you or not. Moreover, rule-loving founders and idealistic diplomats hardly ever meet. Founders take everything literally, diplomats are adaptable and speak in pictures. Their ideas are too different and above all the way they express themselves would only annoy and hurt the other person. A male discoverer can be enthusiastic about female discoverers because the novelty, the flexibility is fascinating for both. Female founders feel comfortable with male founders, but not with independent rule-breaking pioneers. It would take too long at this point to explain all the appropriate combinations. But is it very exciting to find out what kind of partnership makes things easy and what kind of partnership makes things hard and difficult?
It is also exciting to find out about people’s childhood experiences of love and affection. The nutritive levels of love say a lot about how unconditional love was experienced. A person who has been loved unconditionally by his parents cannot have any conditions imposed on him. He wants to be loved for himself. A kind of basic trust, which he has acquired in his early years. If a person has been clearly told repeatedly that he must not do anything wrong, and he has a changing and unstable relationship with his parents, he could not even believe that he is suddenly loved unconditionally. He cannot take this seriously and so continues to seek the familiar unhappiness of the same types of relationships with insecure partners.
The decision to find suitable partners is also about how far one can let go of old relationships and really commit to something new. This is not easy, but you can work on it. Couples therapists help to give a dignified place to these past partnerships and to sort out and heal the old wounds. Even if the role you played in your family of origin is crucial. The long-awaited only child, who was found sweet by all and spoiled like a princess or prince, has rarely learned to share. Dominance may play a role, which you don’t want to give up, or simply because you never had it, you eventually want to compensate for it.
Forming the relationship with parents
The last important factor is the relationship with the parents. According to psychoanalytic theory, a girl’s first lover is her own father. If he does not respond adequately to the love offered, the daughter may still seek recognition and confirmation from each new lover decades later, as she did with her father. For the son, of course, the reverse is true, except that mothers often cannot separate themselves from their sons, and so each lover is measured against the mother. Similarly, the son, who has protected the mother from the father, will always instinctively seek a lover whom he sees as needing protection, neglecting himself, not perceiving or communicating his expectations.
Choosing a suitable partner
The real question of whether a partner is suitable for you would be different. How can you learn the most from your partner? The stupid thing is that a certain behaviour immediately triggers a behavioural dynamic and you fall into your old patterns. This doesn’t have to be wrong, but as it happens unconsciously, you like to transfer your old imprints to new situations. In this way, the partner gets something that was not really related to him or her and you yourself come to the conclusion that the partner is not suitable. You perceive this because you are fighting, you are hurt, boundaries have been crossed and you do not feel safe or confident.
So if you want to break up, never say we don’t belong together. And then, please, go straight to a therapist. They also say they are in love with that severe rose-coloured glasses disorder, which seems to have suddenly disappeared when the first problems appear. Ask your friends before you embark on an adventure. Experience shows that they know very quickly whether someone is right for you or not. And you can always go to a therapist and work on the old corpses in the basement.