After several discussions with the partner, which end in disappointment, the eternal and difficult question arises: is it worth continuing the relationship or is it better to end it? Suppose you choose to continue, is it so easy to start again with him/her? Can everything go back to the way it was?
To know the answer, you need to consider several factors. These include the state of the relationship, the intensity and regularity of the discussions and whether there is still a basis for mutual love and respect.
Getting to know each other
Most people think they know each other well. However, if they did, they would often choose not to suffer; nevertheless, they do not. Getting to know yourself well, as well as being exciting, is a very difficult task.
How are you when you get angry? Retreat or attack? How do you react when you are hurt? Would you rather be hugged or left alone? All these questions are not trivial. If you don’t know yourself, others will hardly know you.
If you give up all the activities that make you happy, the relationship will suffer. If you are not satisfied, you are angrier and, of course, it is your loved ones who pay the price: your partner. Even with this one little self-analysis, the relationship can improve considerably. When both members of the couple take time for themselves and are clear about what they want and how they want it, it is possible to come to positive conclusions in discussions.
When can you start afresh with your partner?
Forgiving and continuing the relationship are two very different things. You can forgive the other person, but still end the relationship. When are you ready to start again with your partner?
It is a mistake to think that “starting over” means that everything will be rosy and flowery. It would be like thinking that a broken vase can be glued back together and magically return to its original state. You have to invest time and effort to make sure everything looks its best.
The right time to put this idea into practice is when the desire to change and move forward is stronger than the pain and suffering experienced so far. Therefore, if one is not ready to commit or if the balance is tipped in favour of “it’s not worth it”, it is better to give it up now.
Rowing ahead without looking back
It will be possible to make changes in your relationship if you both accept responsibility for the problem. It is important to feel that you are going in the same direction, not sideways.
But be careful! Demanding is not effective in these cases, as it creates barriers between the couple. You can’t say “yes” to everything, you always have to set limits and learn to say “no”. Assertiveness in this sense is fundamental, as is a balanced distribution of power within the couple.
Some decisions involve not wanting or being able to start over with your partner. The most common mistake is not to change anything in the relationship. Getting caught up in inertia and comfort is not good in this new adventure.
Feelings of revenge are also a very dangerous poison, especially for those who experience them. “I’m going to tell him this so he knows how I feel.” Warning! Continuing the relationship to make life impossible for the other person is not love, respect or affection. Nor is it a good way to build empathy, if that is what you want.
You cannot try to reconcile only one of the two members. A couple is a team, even in difficult times. The common goal is for the couple to continue to bring about positive things and this depends on both of them, it is not an individual task.
Another mistake is to continue only out of “habit” or “for the sake of your children”. Living under the same roof does not mean a happy family. Only if the couple is healthy will the children be healthy, never the other way around.
If you stay with your partner only out of fear of being alone or out of emotional dependence, you are condemning yourself. Happiness is found in yourself, not in others, at least a lasting happiness. It is good to walk together, but not bound. Internal tensions exhaust you and do not allow you to enjoy life.
In any case, whether you decide to start over with your partner or not, the decision you make should bring happiness and serve as an impulse to feel much better in a short time.